Lucas the Stag Bit Beyoncé

By Alyssa Vigorito

Lucas the Stag has a long history of inappropriate behavior. He parades around the Tully and nearby areas, forcing unsuspecting students to take photos with him. His second skin, kept in the window of the Stag Store, commonly comes to life and attacks students, faculty and staff members.

This legacy of lewd behavior continued as soon as sources began speculating that he was the one who bit Beyoncé.

“Girls Trip” star and zany, sunshine-infused butterfly Tiffany Haddish told GQ she met Beyoncé at a party in Los Angeles last December. According to Haddish, a panting figure in huge basketball shorts entered the room open-mouthed and frenzied while trying to give everyone a fist bump. Beyoncé was allegedly bitten by the mystery guest.

Haddish refused to name the “actress.”

Students took to social media to post pictures of Lucas the Stag at the party, claiming that he can be seen in the background of one photo gesturing for a group to flash the ‘stags up’ hand-gesture, to which no one complied. 

Seeing as the sad evidence is indisputable, a representative from the university has stepped forward on Lucas’ behalf. On Wednesday evening, Johnny Mazo, director of public relations, issued a press release where he explained Lucas’ role in #bite-gate.

“Lucas really likes the taste of flesh,” said Mazo. “He wasn’t necessarily going to eat Beyoncé, just wanted a nibble. Luckily we had his teeth cleaned that morning, his mouth was all bandaged up, and he was still high off of anesthesia, so he couldn’t inflict much damage onto Beyoncé.”

Lucas himself has yet to comment. He’s probably at a townhouse party right now doing the mostest.

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