By Pete Peterson Fairfield, CT- After a contentious debate between students, athletes, the University, and God, Fairfield University has announced that it will in fact have a football season this year. With the MAAC canceling all sports due to the liberal Coronavirus hoax, the Stags will be heading ‘down under’ (the Mason-Dixon line) this season … Continue reading Fairfield University Announces It Will Join the SEC for the 2020-2021 Football Season
Author: fairfieldstagnation
Fairfield’s Sodexo Webpage on Sustainability Broken Since Start of Semester
By Nathan Schmidt Since classes began more than two weeks ago, the campus website for Fairfield Dining Services has included a link to a nonexistent page on sustainability. The link is hidden in the ‘Explore’ tab, underneath ‘Dining Near Me’ and ‘My Meal Plan,’ both of which students have very little business opening this semester. … Continue reading Fairfield’s Sodexo Webpage on Sustainability Broken Since Start of Semester
Fairfield University Officer Misunderstands COVID-19 Exam for Physical; Charged With Indecent Exposure
By Frederick Mercurium RecPlex- Officer Charles E. Cheez made an alarming disturbance as he proceeded to strip down in front of a medical professional. According to Cheez, he believed that the scheduled appointment was for an on-campus physical examination. Unfortunately for the other patients who were getting their COVID-19 tests, he was in plain view … Continue reading Fairfield University Officer Misunderstands COVID-19 Exam for Physical; Charged With Indecent Exposure
Fairfield University Gets Into USA Today
By Nathan Schmidt After the rocky start to the semester, Fairfield University has scored a major publicity win: We have been included in a USA Today article! The article, which went online yesterday, contained a genuinely thoughtful contribution from campus writers about the student body’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic. USA Today has accordingly given … Continue reading Fairfield University Gets Into USA Today
Professor Receives Small Metal Pin from University for Thirty Years of Teaching
By Nathan Schmidt This week, economics professor Dr. Laurel Homilan was rewarded for his thirtieth year of employment with a commemorative metal pin about the size of a quarter. The auspicious occasion comes at a time when faculty morale has been strained by the COVID-19 pandemic, and every coin-sized gesture from the administration counts to … Continue reading Professor Receives Small Metal Pin from University for Thirty Years of Teaching
With Start of Classes, “Coronacation” Paused For Three Weeks
By Nathan Schmidt Today, the academic year 2020-2021 has commenced, and with it, the phenomenon of online learning and offline partying known as “coronacation” has been halted for the next three weeks. The “Stags Come Home” initiative, championed by Fairfield officials, brought students back onto campus and into classrooms in the midst of the COVID-19 … Continue reading With Start of Classes, “Coronacation” Paused For Three Weeks
Coronacation: Fairfield Opens Zoom Meeting for All Students, Plays Tully Music
By Nathan Schmidt This week, Fairfield officials announced the creation of a new Zoom meeting entitled “Tully VR,” where students can mingle and dine together just like they would on campus. The Zoom meeting is set to run 24/7 indefinitely, and students may spend as long as they want logged in, provided that they are … Continue reading Coronacation: Fairfield Opens Zoom Meeting for All Students, Plays Tully Music
Fairfield University Attempts Anime Brand; Accidentally Creates Hentai
By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium A decision by the FUSA Senate called for Fairfield University to better brand itself as an inclusive university by appealing to the Anime Club. Putting an art group to the task, they were instructed to making anime pieces centered on-campus life. Unfortunately, some students in the group decided to take extra … Continue reading Fairfield University Attempts Anime Brand; Accidentally Creates Hentai
Coronacation: Quack Doctor Mistakes Vaccine for COVID-19 as Margarita Mix
By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium As medical officials worked tirelessly, they were able to finally manufacture what everyone was waiting for: a vaccine for COVID-19. All were rejoicing at the fact that their progress of 4 months had finally paid off. As later reported, the officials held a small celebration for their achievement, only to discover … Continue reading Coronacation: Quack Doctor Mistakes Vaccine for COVID-19 as Margarita Mix
Coronacation: Examen Statue Has Moved Apart For Social Distancing
By Nathan Schmidt This week, in keeping with the new social distancing guidelines for the COVID-19 pandemic, the figures of the Examen statue on campus have moved six feet apart from each other. The twin statue, depicting two images of St. Ignatius facing each other at close distance, has stood in front of the Egan … Continue reading Coronacation: Examen Statue Has Moved Apart For Social Distancing
Stagnation 