By Mike Wishart The Department of Public Safety and local law enforcement agencies have found the culprit of a string of recent break-ins to the Fairfield University Art Museum, and it is exactly who you would think it is. Shortly after midnight on Monday morning, DPS officers were staking out around Bellarmine Hall in an … Continue reading Perpetrator of Recent Art Museum Break-Ins Found to Be Nicolas Cage
Tag: Mike Wishart
University to Begin Selling Fragrance to Students to Mask the Smell of Fear
By Mike Wishart The university that just can’t seem to stop trying to take your money is back with a new product. Starting next month, the Fairfield University bookstore will begin selling a fragrance designed to mask the smell of fear. The buzz surrounding the release of the new product indicates that this could be … Continue reading University to Begin Selling Fragrance to Students to Mask the Smell of Fear
English Professor Conflicted Over Graffiti That Follows MLA Format
By Mike Wishart The Department of Public Safety is searching for clues as to who is responsible for the vandalism of an English professor’s car in the parking lot behind Donnarumma Hall. But while DPS continues its manhunt for the perpetrator, the victim of the crime is not so sure that the vandal deserves any … Continue reading English Professor Conflicted Over Graffiti That Follows MLA Format
With Halloween Approaching, University Advises Students To Dress Strictly As Their Own Race
By Mike Wishart The leaves are falling, there’s a slight chill in the air, and face paints of every skin tone are being purchased at your local Party City. Halloween is upon us. And whether you’re dressing up as a slutty Theodore Roosevelt or you were pranked into being a horse’s butt without a head, … Continue reading With Halloween Approaching, University Advises Students To Dress Strictly As Their Own Race
DPS Searching For Unlicensed Man Charging $30 For Fake Flu Shots
By Mike Wishart In an effort to keep the student population healthy as we approach the winter months, Fairfield University has offered flu shots in the Barone Campus Center on select afternoons throughout the fall, including this past Tuesday. But this time, things took a sudden turn for the worse. Being the forward thinking institution this … Continue reading DPS Searching For Unlicensed Man Charging $30 For Fake Flu Shots
Student With STD Claims He Has Right to Park in Handicap Spot
By Mike Wishart This past week, the itching flames of controversy have engulfed the Fairfield campus. The issue has arisen from junior Roger Wagner, who claims that his case of chlamydia qualifies him for use of the handicap parking spots on campus. “Listen, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time, you … Continue reading Student With STD Claims He Has Right to Park in Handicap Spot
Caddyshack Reboot Starring ONLY Shaquille O’Neal, “Caddy-Shaq” Begins Filming
By Mike Wishart With Hollywood’s reboot fever far from cooling, Warner Brothers has just announced a re-imagining of the 1980 comedy classic Caddyshack set to hit theaters in summer 2020 starring Shaquille O’Neal with M. Night Shyamalan attached to direct. “This is a project that’s very close to my heart, almost as close to my … Continue reading Caddyshack Reboot Starring ONLY Shaquille O’Neal, “Caddy-Shaq” Begins Filming
Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration
By Mike Wishart Drugs. Prostitutes. Financial Fraud. The average person may hear these phrases and think of Martin Scorsese’s 2013 film “The Wolf of Wall Street.” But if a Dolan Business School student were to hear them, there is a chance they would picture their future. A campus study has found that a whopping 90% … Continue reading Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration
Stagnation 