By Nathan Schmidt Last week, Fairfield University’s philosophy department handed its moment of glory over to its administrative arch-nemesis. The moment took place on Friday, when the university hosted a massive, day-long ethics symposium entitled Ethics Here and Now: Racial Justice, Reproductive Justice, Climate Justice. This symposium, spearheaded by Fairfield’s philosophy department, showcased the relevance … Continue reading Philosophy Department Caves, Holds “Ethics Here and Now” Keynote Speech in DSB
Tag: Nathan Schmidt
FUSA Senate Debates Removing the Carcass of Stag from LLBCC
By Nathan Schmidt Controversy has once again embroiled the FUSA Senate as its members debate whether to remove the full stag carcass from the Barone Campus Center. The hollowed-out and taxidermized stag, which is located in the BCC lower level, has provoked strong reactions both for and against its removal. Supporters say that the stag’s … Continue reading FUSA Senate Debates Removing the Carcass of Stag from LLBCC
Senior Expelled After Stepping on Grass Outside DSB
By Nathan Schmidt Scandal has rocked Fairfield University after a senior student was summarily expelled for stepping on a patch of grass that no living being was meant to touch. It happened in the blink of an eye. Pauling Halenmeyer ‘20 was leaving her 11 AM management class at the new Dolan School of Business, … Continue reading Senior Expelled After Stepping on Grass Outside DSB
On Brand-New “Lucas Week,” All Students Must Dress as Campus Mascot
By Nathan Schmidt This week, campus officials announced an ambitious new plan to boost school spirit at Fairfield University by requiring all students to put on costumes of Lucas the Stag for one full week. The costumes, distributed by the Office of Residence Life, are designed to make every student literally be the mascot of … Continue reading On Brand-New “Lucas Week,” All Students Must Dress as Campus Mascot
2020’s Hottest New Style: Communism
By Nathan Schmidt, For the Proletariat It’s a red-hot new year coming up, as Fairfield prepares itself for a revolutionary blast to the past with the new 2020 Communist style. Get ready for hammer-and-sickle-bearing hoodies, t-shirts and sneakers, all available at retailers near you for no price but your service to the motherland! The Communist … Continue reading 2020’s Hottest New Style: Communism
History Department Meets Revised Core By Creating Tomb-Raiding Program
By Nathan Schmidt This fall, Fairfield University’s history department has unveiled a brand-new program for students to learn to steal artifacts from ancient tombs. The battery of scaffolded courses, designed in light of the new revised core curriculum, will teach students to visit archaeological dig sites, sneak into sealed and locked spaces, and make off … Continue reading History Department Meets Revised Core By Creating Tomb-Raiding Program
Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum
By Nathan Schmidt This fall, Fairfield University will proudly introduce its newest class of students to the most ground-breaking and innovative academic curriculum ever designed: dragon-slaying. The new battery of undergraduate courses, managed by the St. George Center for Magical Hunting, will focus on training students to embark on wild adventures through the countryside to … Continue reading Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum
FUSA Senators Flip Over Tables, Declare Anarchy
By Nathan Schmidt Last week, chaos descended on Fairfield University when the last FUSA senate meeting of the semester ended in literal anarchy. The assembled senators, who had come together one more time to determine the starting conditions of the next semester, quickly realized that this was their one chance to truly cut loose. And … Continue reading FUSA Senators Flip Over Tables, Declare Anarchy
Clam Jam Leads to Crabs Outbreak
By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University has become a case study in epidemiology after last weekend’s annual Clam Jam festival at Penfield Beach. Of the students who attended the night of music, dancing, drinking, public littering, and sand in their socks, more than half of them have since been afflicted with a severe case of genital … Continue reading Clam Jam Leads to Crabs Outbreak
Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School
By Nathan Schmidt This week, campus officials proudly announced that over the summer, Canisius Hall will be demolished and replaced with a third School of Business building. The venerable building, which has stood as the center of the College of Arts & Sciences classes since its construction in the 1950s, is far behind code and … Continue reading Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School
Stagnation 