FUSA Senators Flip Over Tables, Declare Anarchy

By Nathan Schmidt

Last week, chaos descended on Fairfield University when the last FUSA senate meeting of the semester ended in literal anarchy. The assembled senators, who had come together one more time to determine the starting conditions of the next semester, quickly realized that this was their one chance to truly cut loose. And so less than half an hour into the meeting, all order suddenly broke down.

First, at the urging of the speaker, all of the senators threw the papers and nameplates off their tables, then flipped the tables upside-down in a massive group effort. They then resolved to never vote on anything ever again, measuring the movement’s approval by the loudness of the senate’s cheering rather than a count of yea/nay/abstention votes.

About an hour into the meeting, Senator Kealy Lacon ‘19, who will be graduating very soon from Fairfield, addressed a crowd of ferocious rioters from atop a pile of rubble in the BCC lower level. Behind her, bonfires blazed in a scattering of metal trash cans and recycling bins.

“No more rules! No more rules!” she screamed, leading the crowd in a frenzied chant of pure mayhem.

With this meeting settled, the FUSA senate is gladly looking forward to the fall semester, where it will welcome the Class of 2022 senators with an enforced crash course in self-governance.

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