2020’s Hottest New Style: Communism

By Nathan Schmidt, For the Proletariat

It’s a red-hot new year coming up, as Fairfield prepares itself for a revolutionary blast to the past with the new 2020 Communist style. Get ready for hammer-and-sickle-bearing hoodies, t-shirts and sneakers, all available at retailers near you for no price but your service to the motherland!

The Communist style has seized the hearts of Fairfielders just like it seizes the means of production — at the time of writing, Communist products have made more than $1 million of theoretical demonetized dollars in pre-orders. The craze isn’t just limited to clothing and trinkets either, with Marxist, Leninist, Stalinist and Maoist interpretations of the ideal distribution of lattes all making waves at Starbucks and Dunkin’.

Stagnation reporters were able to place an interview with one of the top ringleaders behind the stylistic coup, a former small business owner named Bob Mitchbrook.

“You think you’re all red-blooded Americans, but you’re not,” Mitchbrook said in between slurps from a bright crimson mug of deep black coffee. “You’re not willing to commit. Once you do, you’ll see that the only difference between you and me is this limited-edition Trotsky silicone bracelet.”

The latest in Communist fashion, swag and merch will all be available in Fairfield’s local retailers starting four months from now in January. And be sure to join your comrades quickly — at press time, the sidewalks along the Post Road downtown were already completely clogged by customers preemptively joining the queues.

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