By Akaky Akakievich The game was rigged from the start. There was always talk of collusion, double counting, and unauthorized poster campaigns, but here at Stagnation we are here to produce the truth that it was in fact the Russians who hacked the FUSA election. The exact reason as to why the Russians wanted to … Continue reading FUSA Elections Hacked by Russians
Category: Entertainment
B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate
By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT — It’s been a stressful week for junior Andrew Courtney. After hours of pretending to study, while stopping intermittently to watch the World Series highlights and to take hits out of his Snoopy-shaped bong, he completed his twelve-page midterm exam in his 300-level English class, American Internet Poetry in the … Continue reading B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate
Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club
By Trevor MacDonnell Lettuce? What is it good for? Absolutely everything. You can wear it as a hat. You can use it to wipe your ass. You can use it lure out guinea pigs. You can even, surprise, eat it. It is my opinion, as this is an opinion piece, that lettuce is worth its … Continue reading Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club
Lucas the Stag Excommunicated
By Nathan Schmidt Tragedy and scandal struck Fairfield University this week when its beloved mascot, Lucas the Stag, was excommunicated by the Vatican. The Jesuit university, which has long-held close ties to the Roman Catholic Church, has held Lucas as a lovable ideal of sportsmanship and loyalty, but an investigation by the Church revealed that … Continue reading Lucas the Stag Excommunicated
Peer-Reviewed Studies Show Putin’s Smirk is Growing Wider Over Time
By Diogenes Recent scientific studies have demonstrated what seems to be the early development of a startling trend. Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, well-known for demonstrating a smug grin while formulating mischievous plans for global wrongdoing, perhaps has been becoming more devious and sly over time. Deeply concerning empirical studies on the width of … Continue reading Peer-Reviewed Studies Show Putin’s Smirk is Growing Wider Over Time
Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist
By Nathan Schmidt This week, Campus Ministry announced the creation of a new international service immersion trip designed to give Fairfield students the opportunity to hunt down and kill the Antichrist. The seven-day program, which will take students through key suspect locations in Rome and the Holy Land, will combine elements from Jesuit service learning, … Continue reading Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist
Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch
By Trevor MacDonnell Fairfield is a proud Jesuit campus and always has been. Our Christian values is what drives the heart and core of this school. We have our buildings named after saints, multiple masses held throughout the day, and even feasts on holy days. Dating back all the way to the 1400’s to the Puritans … Continue reading Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch
Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week
By Katherine Klima FAIRFIELD, CT– Bravery and sheer stupidity are two things Fairfield University freshman, Joe King, is not unfamiliar with. “I’ve been stirring up trouble for as long as I could remember,” said King in an exclusive interview. “I think that’s why I was so interested in the challenge.” King is one of few … Continue reading Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week
BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day
By Sabina Dirienzo BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day, and according to your Instagram feed, that one couple is still together. "They fight in the corner of every party," said Trevor Richards '20, "I really thought it was over." While Sarah Allen '20 and Steve Jones '20 definitely hate each other, according to Sarah's Instagram … Continue reading BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day
BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human
By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University’s emotional support dog Dakota, located in Canisius Hall, has begun seeking treatment from a qualified therapy human after being burned out by the constant despair of her student visitors. Dakota, who has served the needs of students at the university since 2015, has finally been pushed to a breaking point of … Continue reading BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human
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