By Rosemary Harper Alas, the day we have feared for so many months. Due to the statewide lockdown and subsequent school closure, the turkeys — those little shits that torment us on a daily basis — have taken over Fairfield University. And they did it with ease. Once the week after spring break began, they … Continue reading Coronacation: Turkeys Rejoice As They Successfully Conquer Campus Without Opposition
Tag: turkeys
University to Begin Selling Fragrance to Students to Mask the Smell of Fear
By Mike Wishart The university that just can’t seem to stop trying to take your money is back with a new product. Starting next month, the Fairfield University bookstore will begin selling a fragrance designed to mask the smell of fear. The buzz surrounding the release of the new product indicates that this could be … Continue reading University to Begin Selling Fragrance to Students to Mask the Smell of Fear
FU Opens Doors to Turkeys in Effort to Diversify Campus
By Andrew Schmidt Fairfield University is now accepting turkeys as students in an effort to increase campus diversity. President Nemec's office released an official statement this morning, stating, "Turkeys have long been an important part of our campus family. It is time for them to become students as well." The widespread consensus on this is confusion, … Continue reading FU Opens Doors to Turkeys in Effort to Diversify Campus
Stagnation 