By Nathan Schmidt This week, a new crisis engulfed Fairfield University, completely overshadowing the COVID-19 pandemic: students drinking hand sanitizer because it is pumpkin spice-flavored. The specially flavored hand sanitizer was distributed to students starting last week, in an effort to “celebrate the fall season while staving off the apocalyptic death-plague,” in the words of … Continue reading Disaster Ensues After Campus Unveils Pumpkin Spice Hand Sanitizer
Tag: Nathan Schmidt
University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus
By Nathan Schmidt In light of rising cases of COVID-19 among students, Fairfield University officials have promoted safety by removing all doors from all buildings on campus. Since the virus spreads more easily in confined indoor spaces, it is thought that the new ventilation from the removed doors will make students safer no matter where … Continue reading University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus
The Legal Defense of Fairfield’s Oldest Offender
By Nathan Schmidt [This transcript has been obtained through a combination of public record and divination magic.] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for hearing me today. I come to you today not only as a lawyer, but as an ambassador of the human species. The facts of the case are not in … Continue reading The Legal Defense of Fairfield’s Oldest Offender
Fairfield’s Sodexo Webpage on Sustainability Broken Since Start of Semester
By Nathan Schmidt Since classes began more than two weeks ago, the campus website for Fairfield Dining Services has included a link to a nonexistent page on sustainability. The link is hidden in the ‘Explore’ tab, underneath ‘Dining Near Me’ and ‘My Meal Plan,’ both of which students have very little business opening this semester. … Continue reading Fairfield’s Sodexo Webpage on Sustainability Broken Since Start of Semester
Fairfield University Gets Into USA Today
By Nathan Schmidt After the rocky start to the semester, Fairfield University has scored a major publicity win: We have been included in a USA Today article! The article, which went online yesterday, contained a genuinely thoughtful contribution from campus writers about the student body’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic. USA Today has accordingly given … Continue reading Fairfield University Gets Into USA Today
With Start of Classes, “Coronacation” Paused For Three Weeks
By Nathan Schmidt Today, the academic year 2020-2021 has commenced, and with it, the phenomenon of online learning and offline partying known as “coronacation” has been halted for the next three weeks. The “Stags Come Home” initiative, championed by Fairfield officials, brought students back onto campus and into classrooms in the midst of the COVID-19 … Continue reading With Start of Classes, “Coronacation” Paused For Three Weeks
Coronacation: Fairfield Opens Zoom Meeting for All Students, Plays Tully Music
By Nathan Schmidt This week, Fairfield officials announced the creation of a new Zoom meeting entitled “Tully VR,” where students can mingle and dine together just like they would on campus. The Zoom meeting is set to run 24/7 indefinitely, and students may spend as long as they want logged in, provided that they are … Continue reading Coronacation: Fairfield Opens Zoom Meeting for All Students, Plays Tully Music
Coronacation: Examen Statue Has Moved Apart For Social Distancing
By Nathan Schmidt This week, in keeping with the new social distancing guidelines for the COVID-19 pandemic, the figures of the Examen statue on campus have moved six feet apart from each other. The twin statue, depicting two images of St. Ignatius facing each other at close distance, has stood in front of the Egan … Continue reading Coronacation: Examen Statue Has Moved Apart For Social Distancing
Coronacation: Students Mourn Missed Classes in Donnarumma Hall
By Nathan Schmidt With all classes moved online for the spring, the pangs of nostalgia for campus life have already set in for many students. And nowhere on campus is a more painful point of longing than the beloved Donnarumma Hall, which in hindsight is the most precious and home-like building in the university. Students … Continue reading Coronacation: Students Mourn Missed Classes in Donnarumma Hall
Coronacation: White House Asks For Its Covid-19 Response To Be Graded On Pass/Fail
By Nathan Schmidt Yesterday, President Donald J. Trump’s latest press briefing took a turn for the academic when he asked that his administration’s response to the Covid-19 pandemic be graded on a pass/fail basis. The news came as deaths from the virus exceeded 14,000 in the United States, and as outbreaks began growing rapidly in … Continue reading Coronacation: White House Asks For Its Covid-19 Response To Be Graded On Pass/Fail
Stagnation 