Kavanaugh Fails Title IX Training

By Nathan Schmidt

This week, an independent investigation revealed that Brett Kavanaugh received a failing score on his mandatory Title IX training. The training procedure, designed principally to increase awareness of the nature of sexual harassment and assault, turned out to entirely befuddle the Yale graduate and current judge, who had never heard of these terms before.

As part of the confirmation process to become a Supreme Court justice, Kavanaugh was required to undergo the rigorous sensitivity training process undertaken by many adults in recent weeks, including having to determine whether someone saying “no” to a sexual advance means they’re not giving consent, and whether touching a hopelessly drunk partner constitutes assault.

The required score to pass the test is 75, but on his first five run-throughs of the test, Kavanaugh never scored higher than 20, indicating that he was either deliberately answering questions incorrectly or operating from an entirely different set of facts.

The investigation casts a predictably skeptical light on Kavanaugh’s ability to discern basic facts about sexual conduct and misconduct, but most mainstream news outlets continued to focus instead on the importance of participating in the midterm elections. While this choice does have clearly understandable merits, the truth is that Kavanaugh is likely to be confirmed before the elections take place, and so any analyses of his character remain important for future posterity.

For example, his inability to determine the percentage of women who have been sexually assaulted while at college implies that he neglected to watch the informational videos that came with the test.

In a press statement this morning, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell declared that the Title IX training was only an antiquated distraction from the confirmation, saying, “If we wanted women, as the media likes to say, ‘in control of their bodies,’ we wouldn’t have made it our mission to appoint a Supreme Court justice who will overturn Roe v. Wade.”

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