By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium
BARONE CAMPUS CENTER – University officials are left dumbfounded by the school’s recent effort to aid the quarantine efforts. Their recipient, the Epstein Humanitarian Group, claimed that they had no need for canned goods and surgical masks. Upon investigating the group’s suggestion, it was discovered that the students’ efforts were mixed up with the newly-printed ballots for the upcoming election. As a result, the intended recipient, the Salvation Army, had called in concerning that its recipients would not be needing ballots.
The confusion was worsened when the recipients of the Salvation Army’s donation had already filled out their nominees. Most of them were “Manny Mariposa” and “The Guy™,” though no one could honestly answer who these people were. This only led to further delays to the 2020 Election, but hopefully, they’ll get their deliveries right this time.