Coronacation: Professors Rejoice As Online Classes Let Them Finally Teach In Bathrobes

By Nathan Schmidt

This week, even as deathly quiet settled over Fairfield University campus, the faculty celebrated the best part of all-online classes: the ability to teach from their homes while wearing bathrobes. The online classes, which come as part of a nationwide effort of social distancing in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, have been inconvenient to students and professors alike — but they have also let the professors go all week in one outfit that does not involve long socks or dress shoes.

“Most students probably don’t realize that I grade most of their tests in bed wearing just underwear,” said economics professor Kingsley Hullum over a grainy video chat with Stagnation reporters. “This is completely my natural element. I just put on a terry cloth robe, and I’m good for the day. I’ll wear this same robe all week. None of my students will even notice.”

Reactions from students have ranged from mixed to nonexistent, since many of them are unable to effectively communicate with interviewers off-campus, and many others have had their classes over audio. The prevailing reaction, in fact, seems to be confusion.

“I thought Fairfield professors just lived on campus like we do, except in the classrooms instead of the dorm halls,” said Tessa Robespierre ‘21 over text, followed by a string of tears-of-joy emoji. “That’s what my elementary school teachers did. Do you wanna come to the Grape tonight?”

Nevertheless, the faculty’s morale has remained strong. Nothing has buoyed their spirits like knowing that no matter how awkward online classes become and no matter how bad the connection quality gets, bathrobe season is officially in.

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