By Pete Peterson
After a sweet pump at the gym, do you ever feel like there’s not enough time to get all of the essential nutrients in your system to maximize your gains? Cooking food takes too long, those fancy protein shakes are too expensive, and you can only eat so many raw eggs before the salmonella kicks in. Luckily for you, a new product has arisen to take over the fitness world: BeefShake™.
BeefShake™ is the hottest trend among athletes and Milfs looking to stay in their prime. Containing only the most natural ingredients, BeefShake™ can revitalize your recovery in no time. The combination of ground beef and whole milk work together to activate unused testosterone in your body to give the ability to go the extra mile. There is also a variety of flavors, ranging from raw to well-done (so far only Tucker Carlson orders the well-done flavor, so take that how you will).
While there are no official spokespersons for BeefShake™ at the moment, there are countless celebrity testimonials verifying its effectiveness. Lebron James of SpaceJam 2 fame said “What the fuck is a BeefShake™?” Rihanna praised the magical mixture, telling Stagnation “First of all, that looks like it will go in how it will come out. Second of all, no I will not go on a date with you.”
We here at Stagnation are an independent news source and never take a commission for our work*. BeefShake™ is simply a groundbreaking innovation that may or may not be the Viagra of working out. If you want to change your life, BeefShake™ is still accepting investors, so it may be time to make some money while investing in yourself. And remember, “Only drinking BeefShake™ can turn you into a beefcake.”**
*This is a paid advertisement for BeefShake™
**These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA or in any scientific capacity