By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium
Barone Campus Center – The parents of would-be student Michael Varro continue contacting their son as Fairfield officials are in contact with the authorities of Fairfield, New York.
“How could this Jesuit academy mess up a destination?” cried Mrs. Judy Varro as she continuously attempted to get into contact with her son. Mr. Travis Varro, meanwhile, was in constant contact with Michael as this occurred. When asked why Michael would not call back to his mother, Mr. Varro only replied that “he’s not putting with her like this.”
According to explanations given by Mr. Varro alongside occasional coherent statements from Mrs. Varro, Michael had seemingly been offered by a Fairfield student to take him to campus. However, said student dropped Michael off at a random curb in Fairfield, New York and drove off. Reasons for this action are unclear, though the student in question, Humberto Yolez ‘‘23, has no recollection of the events.
“Imma keep it real with you,” Yolez responded, “All I remember was not drinking the confiscated alcohol from those damn Campion freshmen.”
Stagnation 