By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium
DONNARUMMA – Outside in the circle, the six-hour war amongst penguin and turkeykind was negotiated after the fall of Morgan Freeman, the god of penguinkind. As both parties parted ways, they made sure to harass anyone left on campus.
At approximately 9:30 am, a waddle of penguins arrived on campus with no warning whatsoever. Upon encountering the first turkey, there was an altercation amongst the parties for some reason. Whether it was over a misunderstanding or such, this will never be known. However, both parties engaged in a long and honestly boring war involving nothing but pecking and flipper-slapping.
However, it wasn’t until Morgan Freeman, who had been narrating the entire thing, eventually ran out of breath and collapsed. Of course, the penguins demanded a ceasefire over this tragedy, with the turkeys having the capacity to negotiate with aviankind, unlike humans.
For now, the anthropological, biological, and film departments bicker around the rights to detail the Turkey-Penguin War. The film department is winning this argument, though Michael Bay’s insistence is waning support.