Coronacation: Promised Land Turns Out to University Life; Spirits Demand Refund on Life

By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium

During campus quarantine, not much activity can be seen. However, the library has been the center of a majority of paranormal activity within university premises. From the Connecticut Supernatural Department, Private Ludwig Von Killinger gave this statement:

“The library is haunted as hell. Like, Christ on a cross, there’s a ton of ghosts in that place. The worst part was that they just kept coming and coming. I think there’s something off about that place. I don’t know what, but there’s something, alright.”

Lead investigator Epstein Snottded had concluded the library’s paranormal origin. It turns out the library had in fact been built on the site of the actual Promised Land of biblical legend. Unfortunately, the souls of those who had inhabited the area are utterly disturbed by this.

One soul reported, “My family and their families were living here since the days of Joshua. I cannot believe the Promised Land has been degraded to a place of excessive drinking and plagues!”

Staff at Egan Chapel were both displeased and interested in the current lawsuit against Fairfield University from said spirits. The spirits are currently suing the university for 50 pieces of gold and a new prophet to lead their new generation. The staff is scrambling to find a new man to lead the souls to a better land.

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