5:39 p.m.—The Boy Who Cried Wolf, Fairfield Edition: The Fire Department took its sweet-ass time getting to campus when The Tully truly, finally, actually set on fire.
3:06 a.m.—Public Safety was notified when two roommates in Jogues Hall got into a fight in the bathroom. When Public Safety officers arrived on the scene, they discovered that one of the students had allegedly stabbed her roommate after she blew in her ear. The assailant justified her actions by claiming that this was the only way to ensure she didn’t get an ear infection.
8:21 p.m.—A physical altercation erupted by Townhouse 11 block. Public Safety officers were impressed by one student’s uppercut.
11:37 p.m.—The same fight was still going on at this point, goddamn.