By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium
Famed actor Jim Carrey was confirmed to be part of Marvel’s Phase Four initiative for its cinematic universe. Screenwriter Obladi Oblada talked in an exclusive interview with Stagnation concerning this action with staff writer Frederick Mercurium. The interview was held on Janurary 15th, the premiere of the new Disney+ show, Wandavision.
Oblada: So, this is Entertainment Weekly, right?
Mercurium: No, this is Stagnation, Fairfield University’s satirical club.
Oblada: You know what? Same thing.
Mercuirum: So, this move with Jim Carrey? Pretty big deal, right?
Oblada: Oh yeah, huge. See, the thing is, Carrey’s not playing one character.
Oblada: No, we’re actually doing this big project where we’re reshooting all of the past Phase movies, but with Carrey as everyone.
Oblada: Oh yeah, everyone. Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow-
Mercurium: Wait, Black Widow?
Oblada: We just deep-fake Carrey’s face onto all of Scarlet Johansen’s scenes. Y’know, not put them through hours in a skintight suit with fake breasts in them?
Mercuirum: Well, I mean-
Oblada: Also Stan Lee.
Mercurium: Wait, Lee?
Oblada: Yeah, it can’t be a Marvel Carrey Universe without Carrey and Lee.
Mercurium: I need a minute, please.
Oblada: Oh, sure. I can’t wait to tell you how we’re going to re-shoot Wandavision.
The interview went on for almost an hour-long where Oblada described how Carrey would also play all of the X-Men including Wolverine and Storm. After a heated discussion over why Thanos would lose to the Grinch, Oblada proceeded to tear off his latex face and reveal that he was, in fact, Jim Carrey all along. He walked off in a zoot suit underneath his clothes, declaring that the interview was “smokin’.”